No abs for me this summer~

I've decided to continue bulking for the rest of the year. I was bulking since December but it was a very, very slow bulk since I was not consistent with consuming my daily calories. I only gained two pounds the most lol!

Anyway, I'm going to bulk for real, even throughout the summer. I've never done that before. I wonder how I'm going to feel when I'm at the beach and I have a stomach. I'll thank myself in the future though. Gaining weight will make my body increase fat but after I cut next year, I'll have the curves I want c:

I may consider buying a one piece, like a body suit idk...last summer I cut too much that I was very thin. I felt very insecure. I don't want to be insecure this summer b/c I gained too much weight (even I'm supposed to be gaining weight lmao).

I'm currently eating around 1800 calories a day. It's probably still not enough but it's very hard for me to eat a lot since my cultural diet is generally very light and I've always eaten around 1000-1300 calories daily. It's going to be tough to increase it to 1800-2000 calories. I try to eat at least 1500 though which is still very little. 

Anyway, I'm just eating waffles and ring dings to gain that weight. My diet is particularly unhealthy since I snack A LOT but that's how I bulk lmao. I'm getting pretty sick of waffles though since I eat four a day.  Sometimes I eat six ring dings in a day too; it's around 700 calories though so it's probably worth it ;u;

I'm going to the gym twice a week as well. I've been consistent for two months so far. Not only do I feel more confident, I also have a sense of independence. I only go to the gym to work out legs now. I'm considering on exercising my arms and abs at home. 

These are my thoughts so far...I can't imagine how my body looks after gaining weight. I'm 121lbs right now and this is actually the heaviest I've been.